I know I said I was not going to blog until Wednesday but I needed a little "moment". I wanted to share a story that I think is cute and it is one of the reasons why I feel so lucky to be a mom to my kids. Isabelle and Spence were talking in the car as we were driving home and I hear Spencer say to her "Isabelle, do you want to hear a cool version of Beethoven's Fifth?" Belle: "Yeah! That is so cool, I love this song." I do not know many children, five years and seven years of age who sit and talk about Beethoven and his symphonies and know which is which, but mine do and I love them for that. I love listening to them talk to eachother in a friendly, loving manner. They are great kids.
I have not been too emotional over the last couple of weeks but today I was looking for some specific pictures. As I was browsing I went through the last four years of Spencer's life and I started to cry. I cannot even explain to you, especially to you who have not met this incredible boy, how truly incredible he is. There were so many pictures that just made my heart sad to think about how my life would be, or could be without him physically there with me, actively involved in my life. How do I even fathom those thoughts. I found this one picture specifically, that made me smile and cry and the same time. There is nothing significant about this picture, nothing extraordinary about the day it was taken but you can see his life, and his love and his handsomeness and his spunkiness all wrapped up together and I just don't know what happened for us to be where we are now, and it just sucks, and I just want to keep him with me forever. Yesterday I told him that he can live with me forever and he said "I was planning on it, but then I forgot I need to live with my wife." I just chuckled and told him she can live with us too. I don't know when or if we will ever get through this, and I just want to breathe again.