Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Other Life

I don't know why I decided I was strong enough to read some of my older posts. I don't know why I have let myself push these memories down, down down. I don't know why my soul aches. I don't know why other moms have to go through this. I don't know why. It seems like another life time ago but the wounds are still a little raw. Healing scabs being pulled off, creating scars. Scars are meant to help us remember. Why don't I want to remember. Why is this part as painful as the injury? Things, life, seems so normal now but moments of anxiety ache in my heart. Don't forget who you are and where you came from. Do not forget the obstacles and the road blocks, they are meant to create a stronger person of who you once were. I had memories tonight of spending what seemed like endless nights in a hospital room. Cold, lonely, and scared. I am thankful for warmth and faith and love. Did we really live this other life? This other life filled with pain and agony, growth and strength? Did we really live out of suitcases and hospital cafeterias for over a year? Did I really have to leave my children to save the life of the other? Are these real things that happened to us? I desperately pray that I never have to live this other life again. My heart cries for the mothers who are living it now. Miracles happen. Death happens. Love happens. Faith happens. Life happens. God lives. He holds our hand, He carries us through the storm and through the calm. Never forget these things.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Family Vacation Day: Seven

We started the day off going to an Angels game in the EXTREME HEAT! It was so hot and humid. The usher told us to go into some empty shaded seats because ours were in the sun and it was "too damn hot" he said. He was like an 80 year old man and it was funny to hear him say that. I usually love a good baseball game but it was just so hot. We only ended up staying until the 8th inning but we had a fun time eating sunflower seeds and watching the game. It was a good thing we left early because we made it just in time to Valencia right when we were expected and we didn't want to be late for TEAM SPENCER L.A.

First off I need to try to explain how incredibly wonderful the Stevens family is. Gina is the one who distributed the Super Spence shirts and bracelets and had them designed. She spent a whole bunch of her own time doing this for our family. I knew Gina many years ago when she was a young single mom going to school. She had one daughter , Mckayla, who I used to babysit and I have many fun memories of these girls. I had not been in contact with Gina until maybe three months before Spencer had been diagnosed. I was so happy that she had found me on Facebook, and little did I know that she would continue to be such a huge part of my life and my family's lives. She lent a listening ear and an open heart throughout this trial and I can truly say that I love this woman and her family. She organized "TEAM SPENCER L.A." who sent us several huge care packages and walked relays in our name. Gina is one of my angels. She has touched our family more deeply than she will ever know. It was so great to be reunited with her and to have Nate and the kids meet her and the family for the first time. We had a bbq, the kids swam in the pool all day and night, and we had great conversation with several other Team Spencer L.A. supporters! It was a wonderful night and we are so excited to be able to see them again!

We pulled up to the house to have these awesome banners on the garage. The love never ends!

This is just such an awesome bunch of people. Strangers who supported and loved us.

The most awesome Stevens family!

Friday, July 8, 2011

Family Vacation Day: Six. Montage Beach

Almost paradise. Have you ever been to an absolutely perfect place that exudes only beauty and happiness? Montage in Laguna is that place for me. For any of you who thinks that California is overrated (and don't live in Hawaii or another tropical place) I will have to say you are totally wrong. This is happiness for me. The best part of this day for me was spending it with my two best friends and their families. I hope you are all lucky enough to have friends that you can share moments like these with. I love the kids like my own and I love these girls more than I can even explain. This day was the perfect day for me. I will warn you there are many pictures to follow but they are beautiful.