Wednesday, March 31, 2010


I am panicking just a bit. We are here in the Oncology clinic for our new round of chemo. We will have Vincristine like normal, but then we begin Cytoxan. I talked to a friend who has taken Cytoxan and didn't have any good things to say about it, so I asked the Dr. what the common side effects are. Vomiting, neutropenia, bladder infection (not like a UTI ). I am so worried about it. He told me to call right away if there is blood in his urine. Neutropenia means no visitors at home. We are going to start on a feeding tube tonight but I am worried about his tummy now with this round of chemo. Panic, panic, panic! There is a little boy walking around with his dad while he gets chemo, he is probably two years old at the very most. His dad has a Team Kaden shirt on, fighting against Leukemia. It is just so not fair that these babies have to suffer so much. I just want to scream and kick, and punch, and stomp and spit and cry. I hate all of this. I hate it for Spence, I hate it for our family, I hate it for all the kiddies going through this and their families, I hate it for everyone that has to deal with this. It is just not fair. I have been pretty positive this week but as I sit here and am given all of the negatives it is hard to smile.


  1. Kristoffer had Cytoxan too! As long as he had the MESNA to coat the bladder and then fluids to flush it he had no problems. He only became severely neutropenic (WBC 0) when he received the other drugs along with Cytoxan. The Zofran was also a magic drug! I hope he handles it well!!

  2. Sending you hugs and prayers from Colorado

  3. You should hate this, cancer. It's an awful thing to have to deal with. Remember to take the time to scream, cry, spit ... and anything else you might need to do. It's better to let it out and own it than to hold it in. Hugs and prayers from our family to yours.

  4. You should hate this! Cancer is an awful thing to have to deal with. Go ahead and scream, cry or what ever other feeling you may have. It's better to honor your feelings than to hid them away. And always remember that there are legions of people praying for Spencer and for your family, including mine.

  5. When the world says, "Give up," Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."

    Sending so much love and prayers to your precious Spencer! And the rest of the family.

    I thought I would leave you this this caring-bridge site of a little girl who has stage 4 (Rhabdomyosarcoma) cancer in her trunk and lungs. She was diagnosed in 2008. Here is a mother who knows a-lot how you feel and what you're going through. If your interested, here is the site.

  6. i don't blame you a single bit for wanting to spit :) i will spit too!
    i am sick inside for you guys!
    keep the faith.

  7. Nothing earth-shattering to say, but wanted to let you know I would feel the exact same way if it were me AND I think Spencer looks terrific in these pictures great color and facial expression!

  8. I have never met you but just want to let you know there is one more prayer headed in your direction. I have 3 boys and my heart breaks for you. I will pray for your strength and comfort daily. Go Spence!!

  9. Hi! I am Marcelo Palermo, we live in Argentine and I know about you and Spencer ,for Jeffrey W.FB , I still can´t understand too much about this terrible part in OUR lives. We have a little boy Fabrizzio, fightin´againts Leukemia too. He is only 2 years old ,and was diagnosed in january 12th ... I will remember this all my life. I know in a really part , what hard is this for you and yours... even above all for little Spence.
    We will pray and fast for Spence and you ,in order God strengthen you ... and give peace in the atonement of Christ. We also will send your names to all Temples as posible worldwide . It really helped us a lot to find peace.
    Obviously...I hate all this too as you , I hate see our little son suffering too much, having always "playing" with the pain, sadness,and death.... But things have his Holy porpose ....We love you. We beg to God His blessings for Spence and his great family.