Thursday, March 18, 2010


I miss my babies. I haven't seen them in a few days and part of me is missing. I am over exhausted and full of sadness but no tears will come out. My heart is crying, my stomach is crying, my lungs, my muscles, my veins. Every inch is crying inside without sparing a tear for my eyes. A tsunami inside ready to attack and all I can do is sit and ache and watch and long for. Long for health, long for my babies, long for cleaning my house, taking kids to school, going to the park, long for my family, long for my life back, our life back, my son's life back, begging for his life, pleading for his comfort. Crying, aching, watching, longing, begging, pleading.


  1. Hi Holly,
    I know I don't know you very well, but I've been following your blog and praying for strength for you and your sweet boy. I know prayers will help and I just wanted you to know there is one more little family out here hoping, praying, and knowing you will get through this and come out even more amazing on the other side of this heartbreak! Heavenly Father only gives us what we can handle, that shows us how highly He thinks of both you and Spence to put you through this trial.
    Hoping for a restful night for both of you and a better tomorrow :)
    Suzie LeCheminant

  2. holly i am so sorry. i wish there was more i could do. our prayers are with your family. xoxo

  3. Sorry that your heart is aching Holly. We are praying for you guys!

  4. We love you and your family so much. I wish I could take some of this from you. We are praying for Spencer, and for you.

    Katie Reng

  5. Hi sweet Holly, just wanted you to know I'm praying daily for your sweet Spencer and family. I left this quote on your husbands face-book wall and wanted to share this with you too! By the way, I'm the helms cousin. I just thought about you immediately when I read this powerful quote! May it bring you comfort reading it. Sending so much love to you and your family from across the world.

    " And to all who suffer- to all who feel discouraged, worried, or lonely- I say with love and deep concern for you, never give in. Never surrender. Never allow despair to overcome your spirit. Embrace and rely on God. He pierces all darkness, softens all sorrow, and gladdens the heart. President Uchtdorf

  6. Holly,
    I so remember those feelings. I was sick to my stomach for months and just wanted some sense of normal life for me and my family. It sounds like you have an awesome support system. An awesome community helping you through this. I don't know how we would have done it without these things. My family cries when we read your blog. Our wounds are still a little fresh and it is heartbreaking to watch you and that sweet little guy go through this. We will continue to pray for your family. The prayers definitely seem to be working.

  7. I'll go clean my bathrooms... just for you, and I will enjoy it!