Tuesday, March 30, 2010


Spencer's new Wimpy Kid shirt!

My fabulous new Lolly Bag! Thanks Melanie and Thank you Hillary and Dale!
Today we had radiation, and I took Isabelle with me. I planned on surprising the kids and taking them to see Diary of a Wimpy Kid after treatment so I needed to take Belle along for time restrictions. I let her come into the room and watch Spencer get all "hooked" to the table. I think she was pretty intimidated which is not normal for her. As we were leaving the hospital my friend Melanie, who makes the Lolly Bags called me to tell me she had a bag for me! Yay! and she said that she too was in the parking lot of the hospital! So I met her around the corner and she gave me my darling bag. We headed on to the theater and enjoyed a movie together. We all laughed. Spence had read the book a few weeks ago, all on his own, so he really wanted to see it. I figured we might as well go and see it before we start chemo tomorrow and counts go down. After we spent the evening at my dad's Spence and I went to Target because the Wimpy Kid shirt he wanted was on sale there, so we went to check it out. While we were there I had another kind of out of body experience. It is almost like the story A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens when Scrooge watches the present without being noticed. I felt like we were slowly flying through this world watching others as we were passing without being noticed. It almost feels like the whole world is continuing to live in a fast pace while our whole world is put into slow motion. I watched brand new parents picking out newborn clothes and laughing with their new baby, moms with daughters picking out Easter dresses, Newlyweds, teenagers, full fledged families and all I could think about was cancer. I kept thinking that just two months ago we were living what we thought was a normal life. I kept thinking, my son doesn't get to go to school and show off his new shirt, but he can show it off to the nurses in the Oncology unit. It was a very surreal experience and I just wanted to get home to cuddle with my boy. He has been feeling pretty well today, he has been very sarcastic, so I know he must be feeling well! Today is just one of those days that I want to kick and scream and pull my hair out. I am just mad that he has to go through this. During the movie I felt like we were having a moment of normalcy and then the credits came on and the lights turned up and I started crying. I was watching all of the other moms leaving with their healthy kids and thinking "man we still have cancer". I am sorry that my words and thoughts are not flowing tonight. I feel like they are all over the place. Spencer said something really funny today. I heard him tell my stepmom that "daylight savings ruined my life" and I said " it ruined your life more than your tumor?" and he said "well my tumor got me a DS and an iPod Touch". OH boy! I guess you have got to find a silver lining in all of this mess huh?!


  1. Oh Holly, you are so funny - and so is Spencer. I'm glad you got to enjoy the movie. I wish I had a magic wand for you and all the other parents I see dealing with this. I will tell you though, the oncology nurses will love to see his new shirt :)and so will all the other kids @ PCMC who happen to get to see it. Hang in there - you are awesome!!!!!

  2. Cutest new bag!! I am picking mine up today - whoohoo!!

    Don't ever feel bad about venting or feeling the way you do - you have to get it out & be honest...you are feeling the same way that anyone else would in your shoes & we are all here to help. No life is normal for long...those new parents you saw at Target will experience trials with their new baby, parents with teenagers have been through years of having to deal with raising kids...you never know, just like you have said before. While 99.9% of people have never dealt with a child who has cancer, everyone is always going through something. I remember you telling me about a time you were at the grocery store & the lady asked you how your day was or told you to have a nice weekend or something & you just thought to yourself, "if only you knew what my weekend would be like with a son that has cancer." People don't know what you are going through...even if they see you with Spencer at the store, they don't know the road it has taken to get where you are or the road that you are on now. You are in a position now to truly always be kind, not knowing what battle people are fighting...but that they are always fighting one.

    Spencer looks so cute in his wimpy kid shirt...I'm so glad you could have some normalcy even just for an hour or so. Love you guys!!

  3. My kids loved that series (and it is usually like pulling teeth to get my Spencer to read!). We have the other books in the series and would be happy to lend them to Spencer. Let me know if you are interested--just send me an email. I am actually heading down to Salt Lake this afternoon and could leave them at the oncology desk at PCMC if you want. I haven't read any farther than about page 2 in the first book (I can barely find the time to read my scriptures, let alone children's books for fun!), not that it wasn't good, I was entertained it just never seems to make it to the top of my "to-do" list. But I loved the message of the movie (which I'm sure mirrored the book), that it's better not to try so hard to be cool, that being nice and yourself is a much better way to be! Glad you guys were able to see it and Spencer looks super cute in his shirt!

  4. Spoken like a true 7-year old!!! He is so brave and amazing! Good luck with Chemo tomorrow..

  5. Holly and Spencer,

    I don't know you but live in the same state. Although by the looks of things we may live at the other end of the valley from you, because we bleed blue! Go Cougs!

    I am a member of the Utah Valley Quilt Guild and will have the opportunity to head up a service project. If you find any needs that a bunch of silly women who can sew could meet let me know. I'd love to help out Primary take better care of dynamic kids like you.

    We'll have you in our prayers.


    PS We found you through Jen Fauset.