Spencer's new Wimpy Kid shirt!
My fabulous new Lolly Bag! Thanks Melanie and Thank you Hillary and Dale!
Today we had radiation, and I took Isabelle with me. I planned on surprising the kids and taking them to see Diary of a Wimpy Kid after treatment so I needed to take Belle along for time restrictions. I let her come into the room and watch Spencer get all "hooked" to the table. I think she was pretty intimidated which is not normal for her. As we were leaving the hospital my friend Melanie, who makes the Lolly Bags called me to tell me she had a bag for me! Yay! and she said that she too was in the parking lot of the hospital! So I met her around the corner and she gave me my darling bag. We headed on to the theater and enjoyed a movie together. We all laughed. Spence had read the book a few weeks ago, all on his own, so he really wanted to see it. I figured we might as well go and see it before we start chemo tomorrow and counts go down. After we spent the evening at my dad's Spence and I went to Target because the Wimpy Kid shirt he wanted was on sale there, so we went to check it out. While we were there I had another kind of out of body experience. It is almost like the story A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens when Scrooge watches the present without being noticed. I felt like we were slowly flying through this world watching others as we were passing without being noticed. It almost feels like the whole world is continuing to live in a fast pace while our whole world is put into slow motion. I watched brand new parents picking out newborn clothes and laughing with their new baby, moms with daughters picking out Easter dresses, Newlyweds, teenagers, full fledged families and all I could think about was cancer. I kept thinking that just two months ago we were living what we thought was a normal life. I kept thinking, my son doesn't get to go to school and show off his new shirt, but he can show it off to the nurses in the Oncology unit. It was a very surreal experience and I just wanted to get home to cuddle with my boy. He has been feeling pretty well today, he has been very sarcastic, so I know he must be feeling well! Today is just one of those days that I want to kick and scream and pull my hair out. I am just mad that he has to go through this. During the movie I felt like we were having a moment of normalcy and then the credits came on and the lights turned up and I started crying. I was watching all of the other moms leaving with their healthy kids and thinking "man we still have cancer". I am sorry that my words and thoughts are not flowing tonight. I feel like they are all over the place. Spencer said something really funny today. I heard him tell my stepmom that "daylight savings ruined my life" and I said " it ruined your life more than your tumor?" and he said "well my tumor got me a DS and an iPod Touch". OH boy! I guess you have got to find a silver lining in all of this mess huh?!