Thursday, March 18, 2010


I am eating dinner, but I am not very hungry. I have this pit, this anxiousness in my stomach that will not go away. I am having another "why?" moment. The intense pain in his abdomen has not subsided, so they replaced his NG feeding tube with an NJ (nasojejunal) tube. Instead of going through his nose and into his stomach the tube goes through his nose directly to his intestines. Hopefully this will ease the pain. I do not mind being here where he can get all that he needs I just wanted so bad for him to be able to go to the Fundraiser on Saturday. Watching him suffer like this, hearing him call me in his Versed induced sleep, it tears me apart. I feel helpless as I sit here alone in the hospital for another day, while he cries in his sleep. Does he dream about his pain? Does he dream about heaven? Does he hurt? Is he scared? Why is he crying? Why is he calling my name? I am right here baby. I am always right here.


  1. Wow ! What an amazing little boy you have ! You are an AWESOME mommy and your posts are soooo touching. From one mommy to the next, my heart aches for you.I am so glad to hear of the good, heartfelt, spiritual moments that are coming your way. You have a beautiful family and there is so much to be thankful for with them. Your family is definately in my thoughts and prayers. You are a STRONG woman! Thanks for sharing your journey and being such an amazing example of faith and love. (*many hugs*)

  2. ditto to the above comment about your posts being so touching. you just broke my heart with that one. You are such a wonderful mommy and our prayers are with you every second of every day