Monday, March 15, 2010


I randomly came across this old picture tonight. It is two years old. Spencer was in kindergarten, he was five. We were at a birthday party for a friend of ours at Chuck E. Cheese. I walked in with my two kids and Spence ran ahead of me. I put our stuff down on the tables where we were all gathering and realized that Spencer was nowhere to be found. I tried not to panic and to just be reasonable. He must playing a game, I thought to myself, as I was forgetting to breathe. No Spencer. I looked everywhere, now running, and starting to yell out his name, I searched the bathrooms I thought about an episode of "Cold Case" that I didn't want to remember, my heart raced. I asked all of the employees if they saw a five year old boy with really spikey hair. Nobody had seen him. They say that when your heart stops you are dead, somehow I am still alive. Finally, about five minutes later (that is about an eternity to a panicking mother) another customer said, "I think there is a boy on the slide". It was one of those winding tunnel slides where you cannot see inside and he had been hiding inside {and breathe}. I just grabbed him and hugged him like there was no tomorrow. The thought of losing my child makes my heart stop. That was two years ago. I have had two more years to fall in love with this wonderful child and here I am faced with the same dilemma of losing my Spence. Everyday my heart stops beating. Everyday I remind myself to breathe. Everyday I hug him like there is no tomorrow.


  1. Holly I'm thinking of you, praying for you and your little Spence. I'm so sorry you are having to experience this. I can't even imagine. Love you.

  2. Deborah Gustaveson MensingMarch 16, 2010 at 11:30 AM

    Holly, I don't think you really know me.. but my kids and I are in the Gooche's ward. We have been following your blog since the first day, and I just want you to know that you and Spencer (your entire family) have been an inspiration to us! We pray for your family every day.

  3. I remember when Spence was a little, little boy, just like in the picture! I love him so much!