Tuesday, June 8, 2010


It is ironic to me that the hospital, a place where warmth and comfort are needed the most, is so sterile and cold. As I sit and wait in an unfriendly, empty corridor, waiting for Spencer to be done with his bone marrow aspirate I think of this life we live. Life in general, my life specifically, and have to remind myself that this is not a dream. I feel like I am lifeless sometimes, so tired, and everyone around me just floating, flying past us. I have to remind myself that this is only a short period of time, this treatment, and this life. Someday we will all look back at this and marvel at how we were even able to do any of it. I did not have to sit long in the cold, sterile hall until we were greeted by familiar faces and warm smiles of our ICS "family". This is not the way to make friends but we are lucky enough now to add more people to our list. Yesterday Spencer had an MRI to check the "spots" on his spine that were faint at the beginning of all this, part of the metastatic disease (metastasizing-when the cancer spreads to other parts of the body). We found out today that the MRI was inconclusive because it was not done correctly, not by any one persons fault, just miscommunication. Usually with the contrast they give you for the MRI will show up any spots that may be concerning. With the spots on his spine, last time they showed up pre contrast and lightened post contrast, which is completely abnormal. Missing this bit of information they only did an MRI post contrast finding a completely normal looking spine, not spots at all. Let's hope that there really is nothing to find. He is going to be scheduled for another PET scan which specifically spots cancer cells shortly to follow up on the potentially cancerous lesions. Also, the MRI showed that the tumor stable, no shrinking since the beginning of April. This could mean a few things, one being that the tumor could be completely dead and just scar tissue. It may also mean that the tumor just is not reacting as quickly to the chemoes as we hoped. I am praying for the first reason. The PET scan will also be able to tell us these things. I bring in luggage, collect urine, eat, read, blog, collect more urine, pretend to sleep through the night, and do it all over again. It is a daunting road ahead of us and quite frankly behind us as well. I do not wish these things on any soul. It is only 2 pm and I cannot keep my eyes open.

Waiting for the MRI and the one in the corner is a groggy Spence waking up from sedation.

Playing DS in clinic today and waiting patiently in bed for bone marrow aspirate. You can tell how tired I am by this pictures. You can see the dark circles. Blah.


  1. His smile looks so GREAT!!

  2. I know these days and hospital stays and procedures and chemos etc are all so taxing, long and draining...but I do have to say, I look at Spencer now and remember when you first started and he has come a LONG way!! I love his little smile, (I did love the one sided smile) but it is so nice to see both corners of his mouth turned up!!! Hang in there, you are doing a great job as a mom, a wife, a friend and a pretty darn good nurse if i do say so myself!! GO GOOCHMAN!!

  3. THIS IS GOOD NEWS HOLLY!!! Man I hope that the next tests are showing the things that you're hoping for.

  4. We are praying for a ball of scar tissue and no lesions!
    Love you guys!


  5. There is life after cancer, I promise. I can't even imagine the heavy burden you carry, but you're doing it! And doing it well! I love you Holly!