Sunday, June 27, 2010


Spencer had his first cancer nightmare. I am really surprised that it has taken this long. Nate went to check on him in the early morning and he was kind of whimpering in his sleep. He told him that he had a dream that his tumor had grown to ten times its size and that you had six more tumors in his brain. This is an eight year old boy. These are the things he worries about. Why is life so not fair sometimes? This just broke my heart. I cuddled with him when he woke up and I said, "it is a good thing that was just a dream and in real life your tumor is shrinking." What else can you say? A day or two before this happened, I had asked Nate what time he had gone to bed the previous night. He said he finally fell asleep around three because he was sad and was having anxieties over Spencer's health. Seriously, these boys are killing me. Nate has always been worry free. I am supposed to be the one with anxieties but now I am exerting strength for all of us. Life is a wild ride. There are many times that I have wanted to jump off but what lessons would I learn by doing that? We are enjoying time away from the hospital but it is funny how we have grown to love the nurses and the staff in the ICS. There are a few nurses I really miss. Spence and Nate will be there Wednesday for another long chemo session. Hopefully it will be the last until September.


  1. Oh man normal nightmares for kids are hard enough without having such a scary reality to set them. Poor kid, good thing he has some incredible parents to remind him that things are getting better not worse. :)

  2. I was a counselor at a cancer camp a while back and the kids were so precious. They were acting like "normal" kids one minute and then discussing issues like infertility, health insurance, early death, infection, etc. the next. It always crushed me to hear these sweet 8-year old girls concerned with these grown-up issues. he's not alone but it's still so heart-wrenching. he will never take the simplest blessings for granted but he has already lived more lifetimes than most. i hate the cancer demons... they are the one thing no amount of chemo or radiation can kill.