Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Carpe Diem

Things happen for a reason. Everything does. I am a firm believer in that. Sometimes we shake the plan by making our own decisions and not going with the flow, but God already knew we were going to make those choices, so did it really shake the plan? I was so disappointed yesterday when our plans went awry, but today I am realizing, things happen for a reason. I have also realized that the Lord helps me out so sometimes I need to not react so quickly. So, if Spencer and Nate would have gone into the hospital this week I would have had to stay one night with Spence because Nate leaves out of town for a couple of days on Sunday. Now because things have shifted we get admitted the day Nate gets back. I will be with Spence for the day but then daddy is going to take over that evening when he gets home. He will come straight from the airport. My husband is wonderful. I know he feels like I don't show him enough how much I truly appreciate him, but I truly do. As soon as I called him to tell him about the blip in our "plans" (why do I plan again?) he immediately calmed me down by telling me that he will do anything he can to make this work out. I don't want it to sound like I don't enjoy staying at the hospital with Spence. Okay well maybe "enjoy" is not the right choice of word, but I am burnt out, and my back, my poor back cannot handle much more of the "chair bed". I love being with Spence. I love being the one getting all of the information from the doctors and nurses and knowing what is going on BUT I need to let Nate be involved also, and I need to be there for Isabelle and Gavin. I have had a couple of nurses remark that I am "always here." I think maybe some of the other patients have parents trade off more, or maybe they leave to do things, run errands, work out, etc. I just always feel like I should be there all of the time. We are still trying to adjust to this lifestyle and make the right fit for all of us. I do not think cancer ever really "fits" but we can fit our attitudes to cancer, to it's destruction! Today was a very good day. Another normal day with Isabelle and Gavin. I will blog tomorrow about it. Sometimes it is hard to have the normal days. Yesterday was a pretty normal day and when I was walking up the stairs last night in my "normal state of mind" I hit the cancer wall. Half way up the stairs I remembered that I was going to tuck in my son whose blood counts are low, who made need another blood transfusion, who is neutropenic , who is bald, who is hooked to a feeding tube, etc., etc. I still smiled though. Thanking God for the normal days, and for the chance to be able to have another day to tuck my kids in and to be with my family. Life may suck sometimes but there are always too many reasons to want to wake up in the morning and conquer the day.


  1. Tears I say! Tears...

    I just love you Holly!

  2. Heavenly Father always does what's best for us. Every time I have a little panic attack', I feel guilty because He always takes care of us. Always. It's hard to let go of plans, but my life is so much easier when I calm down and try to go with the flow. A friend counseled me once by saying, 'When a seemingly large obstacle is in the way, just say, Okay Lord, how are you going to get me out of this one?, and then just sit back and watch how He does it!" Think of it as a game! You're doing great, just keep swimming, just keep swimming! My love and prayers always.