Thursday, November 18, 2010

Reluctant?

So...If you have not had a chance to look at Facebook or do not have a Facebook account or are not currently a Facebook friend (I would love to add you if you are not) then the results are in....kind of. After a full day of trying to patiently wait we headed back up to clinic to talk to our doctor about the results of the MRI and the bone scan. The bone scan is just what I imagined it to be showing no other spots of malignancy throughout his bones. When he was originally diagnosed he had several suspicious spots which are now gone. His MRI was the big one. It would tell us if the tumor is still there and the size and such. She let us know that the mass is still there BUT she is pretty confident that it is not a malignant tumor and now just scar tissue. The report suspected the mass to be post therapeutic meaning post chemo treatment, which obviously we are not at. So I assumed this is good. She informed us that a lot of times the mass never goes away. It turns into scar tissue and can remain there permanently. We will follow up in a couple of weeks with a PET scan which will tell us if there is any malignant activity. According to the report of the last scan there was minimal to no malignant activity. She was very positive about the results and said he is doing very well. I have to say I was kind of on the fence about my feelings about this report. I work, or worked in the medical field, I have been going to school for nursing and I just NEED to know all the details. I am a NOW person and this experience has kind of helped me to be a little more patient! On my way home I was reflecting on this result and my feelings and I got a text from a great friend who just always knows what I am thinking. Her text said "are you happy or reluctant?" Dang she nailed me! At that moment though my reluctancy had turned to happiness. I decided that there could not have been more faith and prayers pushing for our family today. I would have loved to hear that there was no mass at all but then I decided there is a reason for the mass to still be there. I don't know if it will play a part in his life somehow or if its there to make his pupils permanently uneven and googly, which he really would like to happen, funny guy. Whatever the case, there is a reason that it is still there. I am not disappointed. More than anything I want the malignancy to be gone and it sounds like we have reached that point. I also think the Lord is tortuously teaching me patience. I have to be patient until the PET scan. I feel that things are where we have wanted them to be. As I was reflecting and pondering I realized the tumor has never been my fear. It's like I always knew it would resolve itself. It's the chemo that has always been the monster for me. Although it is the main player in the destruction of the tumor it also is more commonly the reason for complications and death in a treatment plan. So....No Ally I am not reluctant. I am happy to be where we are, to be close to the end. I am so thankful to you all for your love for us, for your faith, for your tears, for your prayers. You all mean so much to me and I honestly hope to meet every single one of you. I am blessed to have you in my life.

8 comments:

  1. Spencer, you are awesome. You are a child role model! I love ya man! I loved when you said "I know my tumor is going to be gone gone." Spence you have more than that much faith.

    Love: Jake Richards

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  2. Awesome news. Way to go Spencer, you are such an inspiration

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  3. So glad to hear a good report came from yesterday... as another momma desperately lacking in patience I understand your conundrum...but have faith, Spencer is amazing and you are surrounded by love and prayers and I'm praying for nothing but good news for you all from here on out. Enjoy Thanksgiving :)

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  4. Happy! Just so,so,so very happy.
    Love you,
    Ally

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  5. Holly - i have a mass of scar tissue in my lungs and it doesn't affect me at all. we just check it regularly to make sure it doesn't change... and have had a couple of PET scans to make sure there are no "hot spots" but i've had it since mid-chemo... 12 years. this is an answer to prayers, fasting and faith. YAY!

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  6. Woohoo You are almost there! you can do this it is like the home stretch of a marathon. Can't wait to here the PET Scan news, my mom who is now cancer free for 2 years, still gets very nervous for the outcome of her testing so I know you will still sit on pins and needles while you wait. But what great news CONGRATS

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  7. Oh yay! Glad to hear this Holly! We'll be waiting with you on those PET results. Prayers keep a flowing in this household. Stay well.

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  8. Holly, I don't know if you remember me, but I sat next to you in the physiology lab at SLCC. I saw Spencer a couple times up at PCMC in the PACU (where I work) way back in the beginning. I am sitting here tonight at work and started thinking about you and Spencer. I found this blog and have been reading your story. My heart goes out to you and your family! You have definitely had a rough year. I remember one of the first times Spencer came through I asked how you were doing and you told me you were at peace. After reading this post I can see why you had that feeling. I hope that you and Spencer are coming to the end of this battle and Spencer can enjoy and fulfill all of his dreams, and you can see him fulfill those dreams and become everything that he wants to be. You guys are amazing people and Spencer sounds like an amazing young man. You are in my prayers. I can't imagine having to go through all you have. Best wishes to you.

    Megan

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