Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Looking at the Past

This picture was taken almost exactly one year ago from today. This is not even my same little boy. A friend of mine is putting together a fundraiser for the hospital by making blankets and she is doing it in Spencer's name. She asked for a slide show and so tonight I have been going through all of our pictures from beginning of diagnosis to present. Wow. Way more overwhelming than I thought. I got to revisit a lot of past, powerful emotions that I am not sure I really would like to revisit again. I cannot believe all that we have been through. Even the pictures of Nate looked different. He looked so much younger seven months ago. It is amazing how this has aged us all. I was cleaning my room today and found my journal. The last entry was from January (since my blogging is my journal as of February). I had just quit my job and just finished my last pre-requisite for the nursing program and I was expressing how excited I was to be at home with my kids. I was supposed to start a daycare job for two little boys two days after Spencer was diagnosed. Our life has just taken this major detour and it is so hard sometimes. It is hard to balance it all, but some how we are. I would definitely take this all away from him if I could but I don't know if we would give up all of the blessings and new friendships we have made because of it all. This has been a whirlwind of a year, and I cannot wait to go back to normal. I cannot wait to not have to watch my baby throw up, and hurt and eat from a tube. I cannot wait to be at his wedding and to be so thankful for every single moment I have had with him. I miss this cute little boy in the above picture, but I love the young man who has grown in faith and strength and confidence.


  1. That's my pool!! That was fun having you guys come visit last summer!

  2. Better to look back. You're doing great! Just keep moving forward making progress. You are always and still in our every prayer! We love you so much!