Fire

I am struggling with my blog. I have so many words to write and so many pictures to post and catch up on and I am just tired. I am lagging. I think the emotion I express takes so much energy that I have to prepare myself for it. I have been trying to understand why life is not feeling normal. Things have slowed down significantly and I am not the same. We are not the same. Then I realized, isn't that what this is all about? Trials are a refiners fire, right? I am not supposed to be the same. I have tried to jump into some of the same things I did before and have not felt the same desire for them. I think that my priorities are just much different. I used to rearrange my schedule to go out with friends, and although i love my friends, i love being home with my husband and kids even more. I have become more of a home body. I have become more of a snuggler with my kids. I am learning to pray. I have learned to lean on the Lord. I need to not be discouraged that I don't feel the same. I should be thankful that this experience was not all for naught. So here we are 14 months later, fresh out of the fire, trying to understand this new form that is taking shape. We are rediscovering our new selves as the ashes are blown away. There are so many more lessons to learn in this life but how lucky we are to be able to understand the beauty in trials. How lucky I am to have a fabulous family, immediate and extended. My friend today said something so beautiful that made me realize how lucky I am. She said she was thinking about her dreams in life and what more she would want. She thought to herself that she IS living her dream. She is mom to great kids, a wife to a great husband, she gets to stay home with her kids and there is not anymore she could want, she is living her dream. How perfect is that? I love that even though there are crappy trials that is even so much more happiness in this life. How beautiful. How lucky.