Intense

Almost better than talking to Spencer myself is listening to Isabelle and Spencer have a phone conversation. I cannot describe the immense happiness and overwhelming love I feel when I hear "I miss you" and "I love you" and "thank you for..." between these two. What a wonderful thing to tangibly feel the love your kids have for one another. This is one of the many blessing we have received from this whole situation. My kids do not take each other for granted. They still have their sibling rivalry but there is an undertone of love, desperation almost. For such little bodies they have these incredibly huge hearts and understanding of real life. It makes my heart ache that they have to know such sorrow and comprehend life more than they should have to, but I am thankful that they have learned a real love for one another. These are feelings that I just cannot explain fully.
Isabelle started kindergarten on Friday. Nate has my computer and my pictures are not uploading to this one so I will post them when they get home (tomorrow! yay!). It was hard for me to send her off and I think one of the reasons was because Spencer was not there. This was never in the plan. He was supposed to be there. He is supposed to protect her and make sure she is safe. He is not supposed to be in the hospital. One of my greatest friends, Ally told her sick daughter Lizzie "Men plan, God laughs". Lizzie went home and relayed the quote to her dad in her own words "People plan and God says 'you don't know anything just wait to see what I have planned for you'". What an insightful little girl. These kids, they are special, they know. Maybe these things were not in my game plan but then none of the blessings that come with Gods plan would be ours either. I loathe cancer, I dread watching my children suffer, and I despise being away from my family but I am thankful for the intense and magnified love I feel for them and for my Savior. How lucky I am.