Heart Broken

I don't know what to do anymore, or how to feel. I am sitting here next to my baby boy, his eyes glazed over, barely open, barely able to speak, as machines beep like crazy. High respirations, heart rate high, blood pressure low, fever ridiculously high. It won't stop. How am I supposed to feel? What do I do for this little boy whose life hangs in the balance. I don't know what to do for my sweet baby who is fighting hard for his life. How long can my heart do this? It is now 1 in the morning. Blood pressure was dropping, oxygen levels dropping, labored breathing. Lots of doctors in the room, worried, I can tell. My heart racing, lots of prayers going on in my head, lots of pleading in my heart. The decision was made to move him to PICU (Pediatric Intensive Care Unit) to take extra "precaution." They pumped 3 bolus' into his tired little body causing respiratory problems. When that much fluid is dumped into a body the blood cannot soak it all in so it can leak into the lungs. Being in the PICU will provide us with immediate "intensive" respiratory and blood pressure care. I think this is one of the scariest moments, aside from his first diagnosis that we have experienced, thus far. I am feeling a lot more peaceful now. He is stable and his responsive. We are having normal conversations, even at 1:30 am. I love my son.