Insights

I have so much to blog but I am so disorganized without my computer, which is in the hospital with Nate and Spence. Plus I don't like taking away from the little time I have to spend with Belle and Gavs. I just wanted to blog a few insights that I had. On Friday afternoon, I was walking down the stairs at the hospital and a sweet little boy about 4 years old was walking slowly in front of me. He was blind. His mom was helping him count steps down the stairs and count steps down the hall. At that moment I felt blessed. Although my sons life hangs in the balance he has been able to partake of this incredible world that God has created for us. He can see it. He can see me. When I tell him I love him or beg him to get better he can see the sincerity in my eyes. He can see the ocean, and the mountains, sharks, and pizza. Spencer will not always have cancer. That little boy will most likely, always be blind, never really being able to enjoy the magnitude of beauty around him, or see his moms sweet smile.
Today I was reminded of how wonderful my friends are. I was able to attend a church meeting with my friends today and I am amazed at how lucky I am. I feel safe with them and I know that they love me and my family. I may have had many trials in my life but the Lord has overcompensated by giving my, quite literally, the very best friends in the whole entire world.
Today was not only a day of recognizing friendship, but the extreme love I have for my family. Not only am I blessed with great "blood" siblings, I have been blessed with an incredible "step" family. I almost hate (this is not a word I use lightly) using the word "step" because I feel such a great love for these people. My brother Logan sat with Spencer all day at the hospital yesterday so that I could be with Isabelle at her FunRun. My dad, Suzi, Arza, Logan, and Raynee all showed up to cheer at Belle's soccer game today. Tonight Arza (who is 13), had a friend over and let Isabelle tag a long, and I think he honestly enjoyed it. My family is so great. They are supportive and positive and love my kids with all of their hearts. How lucky we are.
These are just a few of the positive things I have been able to take out of my day.
Spence is still pretty sick. His fever has been pretty high all day but is definitely dropping. His blood pressure is kind of low, and he has been throwing up and sleeping more than usual. I think it is better for him to sleep through the hard times. It will help with the healing of body and mind. The doctors are hoping to save his line by running antibiotcs through them. If they can clear the infection then the will not have to replace the line. If in a couple of days the fevers do not cease then the line will be pulled, infection has to clear, and then line replaced. I don't know if we are ever getting out of this hospital. Keeping a positive attitude totally helps make the situation tons better. I can do hard things.