Reluctant?

So...If you have not had a chance to look at Facebook or do not have a Facebook account or are not currently a Facebook friend (I would love to add you if you are not) then the results are in....kind of. After a full day of trying to patiently wait we headed back up to clinic to talk to our doctor about the results of the MRI and the bone scan. The bone scan is just what I imagined it to be showing no other spots of malignancy throughout his bones. When he was originally diagnosed he had several suspicious spots which are now gone. His MRI was the big one. It would tell us if the tumor is still there and the size and such. She let us know that the mass is still there BUT she is pretty confident that it is not a malignant tumor and now just scar tissue. The report suspected the mass to be post therapeutic meaning post chemo treatment, which obviously we are not at. So I assumed this is good. She informed us that a lot of times the mass never goes away. It turns into scar tissue and can remain there permanently. We will follow up in a couple of weeks with a PET scan which will tell us if there is any malignant activity. According to the report of the last scan there was minimal to no malignant activity. She was very positive about the results and said he is doing very well. I have to say I was kind of on the fence about my feelings about this report. I work, or worked in the medical field, I have been going to school for nursing and I just NEED to know all the details. I am a NOW person and this experience has kind of helped me to be a little more patient! On my way home I was reflecting on this result and my feelings and I got a text from a great friend who just always knows what I am thinking. Her text said "are you happy or reluctant?" Dang she nailed me! At that moment though my reluctancy had turned to happiness. I decided that there could not have been more faith and prayers pushing for our family today. I would have loved to hear that there was no mass at all but then I decided there is a reason for the mass to still be there. I don't know if it will play a part in his life somehow or if its there to make his pupils permanently uneven and googly, which he really would like to happen, funny guy. Whatever the case, there is a reason that it is still there. I am not disappointed. More than anything I want the malignancy to be gone and it sounds like we have reached that point. I also think the Lord is tortuously teaching me patience. I have to be patient until the PET scan. I feel that things are where we have wanted them to be. As I was reflecting and pondering I realized the tumor has never been my fear. It's like I always knew it would resolve itself. It's the chemo that has always been the monster for me. Although it is the main player in the destruction of the tumor it also is more commonly the reason for complications and death in a treatment plan. So....No Ally I am not reluctant. I am happy to be where we are, to be close to the end. I am so thankful to you all for your love for us, for your faith, for your tears, for your prayers. You all mean so much to me and I honestly hope to meet every single one of you. I am blessed to have you in my life.