Life Is Beautiful

Today I had a "moment". It has been awhile since I had a good cry. I have been going, going, going non-stop. Driving to my inlaws for dinner tonight, gave me a little time to breathe and think and I just had to let it all out. It's easy to be in survival mode when you are too busy to think. I think I make myself busy on purpose, subconsciously. I was dragging my feet to come back to the hospital. I have so much I wish I could be doing at home and I just don't want to be here. I am indifferent about this stay. I am not super frustrated because the end is in sight, but I just want to be home. It is Fall. Winter is approaching and we should all be at home snuggled up in blankets watching television and making candy cane hot chocolate. So in my "moment" I began to reflect on how beautiful life is. In front of me were these majestic mountains, the tops being filled with a pink light from the setting sun. It was so incredibly beautiful. Every day, especially as winter hits for the eleven years that I have lived here in Utah I have daydreamed about living in California again. This year is different. I have noticed that I have become quite content living here and have enjoyed watching the seasons change. I only realized this contentment today. I am not quite sure when it began but I believe it is from my new perspective on life. I decided that life is beautiful. Life is full of beautiful people. The mountains are beautiful. The changing leaves are beautiful. My children, my family, my friends are beautiful. There are just too many beautiful things in this life to worry about the bad. Birth, and death, the changing seasons, beauty all around us. I also realized how lucky I am to know such great happiness. I think that when we have felt such heart wrenching pain we appreciate joy so much more. How lucky I am to know such joy. I still miss my beloved ocean but I am finally learning to appreciate the now. I have decided to bring the ocean to me and have been redecorating my house to a "beach cottage". It makes me happy. My life is beautiful.