Pocket Full of Sunshine

June 2nd marked four months since diagnosis. I am exhausted. It is a different kind of tired that I have never experienced. A fatigue I hope to never have to experience again. So many things and events in my life collectively have made me strong enough for this long journey. This past week has been good for us. Spencer is smiling, laughing, and running for heaven's sake! We have finally had a "break" without fevers, or infections or tummy aches. He has been getting tutoring from his wonderful teacher, Mr. Davis, going to parties and special events. He is my tough kid. He IS Superman. I am still trying to "cozy" myself into normalcy, but my lack of sleep only triggers emotions and a lack of enthusiasm. I smile everyday. With every ounce of energy I can muster up, I smile and I listen as my kids talk about anything they want to talk about. On Saturday morning I stopped at a garage sale. There was an older man sitting in the garage and he asked how I was. I told him I was well and responded by asking how he was doing. "It has been a long month" he said. "Tell me about it!" I said back to him. "You are just a baby, you couldn't possibly know what a long month is" he replied back to me. Oh how I wish my "youth" had only given me a lack of "exciting" events in my life. Oh how I wish that I didn't know what a long month, a long day, a long minute or even hour was. I am hoping to recover during this break before we go back for only two more chemo admits until we have a TWO MONTH summer of only "gentle" (haha) out patient chemoes! I cannot wait to enjoy the warmth and sun and the giggles and smiles of all of my babies!