Beauties

I am the mom who uses glass bottles, lathers her kids in sunscreen, checks them atleast three times in the middle of the night to make sure they are breathing. I try to stay away from processed foods, foods with lots of preservatives, and I make them "green smoothies" often. I worry about everything when it comes to my kids. I worry about cancer. I worry about depression. It is amazing how perspectives change when all of your anxieties come to life. I was holding my little Gavs last night and Nate was cuddling with Spencer, and Isabelle looked like a beautiful princess in her bed, soundly sleeping. I was looking at my boys in amazement at the extreme beauty they hold in my eyes. Maybe I am biased because I am their mom but these kids are truly the most amazing beings on the earth. I sat there wondering how we got to this point and how abundantly blessed we have been through our adversities. I fear the loss of my son. I fear the loss of my children. I fear that my other children will have to go through these almost unbearable trials. I fear that Spencer will go into remission and then have it come back. I fear so many things but through all of these afflictions I am happy to have every hour and every day together with my family. When all of this happened I had a hard time thanking God for my day, like I usually do. I would think, I am NOT thankful for the events of this day. Then I had a change of heart. Of course I am thankful for this day. I am thankful that I am alive. I am thankful that my son is alive. I am thankful that I got to spend the day in the company of family and friends and all of those that love me and love my family. I am thankful that I had one more day with my son. I try to stay positive but with cancer we know that a dreaded ending is possible, so to that I am thankful for one more day. I am thankful that I am the mother to Spencer, Gavin, and Isabelle and that I have one handsome, wonderful husband, and a zillion wonderful friends and family!