Equality

I always say that I am not going to post for a day or so and I just cannot pull myself away. I am sitting here with two of my sleeping babies. But I want to be here with all of my babies. I did a stupid thing by watching the So You Think You Can Dance Melissa and Ade breast cancer dance. I would post a link of it, but I cannot find a good enough copy to give it the complete justice it deserves. I just wish I could know. I wish that I knew the outcome of our story. I wish that I could have my life back. I am so very thankful for all of the blessings we have received because of this trial, but I just want my life back. I miss taking him to school. I miss waiting for his cute little face to come out of class at the end of the day. It brightened my whole afternoon. I miss making after school snacks, and doing homework. I miss being together as a family. I miss worrying about the little mom things and not worrying about if he is going to make it through chemo, if his numbers are low, if people are staring at him, if he will eat at all that day. I just wish I knew that when I tell him it is going to be alright, that it really is. There will never be a way to give him this time back to be a normal kid, to have normal memories. I want to be able to give all of my babies equal attention, equal love, equal worries. I want everyone to be happy.