Today

Spencer is still in the hospital. Nate has been with him for the weekend. He has pretty has no immune system. His ANC is almost at zero. His platelets dropped from 78 to 29 but a platelet transfusion still is not necessary until they are dropped into the "teen" or he is bleeding. His hematocrit dropped from 29% to 19% so he had another blood transfusion. He has been throwing up and feeling miserable. I think he has been pretty drugged so he may not remember this trip. He was supposed to be able to go home tomorrow if he was fever free but I don't know if that is going to happen. He is supposed to get more chemo on Wednesday but I do not think his body will be ready for treatment by then, and if it is, it will be crappy to have to be there all week. I guess I should just embrace my suitcase, and hospital living but it is just so hard to be away from my babies. I feel like I am being pulled in two different directions. I feel like I need to be with Spencer and then I feel like I have been away from Gavs and Belle too long. I just wish that I could get used to hospital life but it is so tiring. So exhausting. They take such good care of my little boy, and to that I am more than grateful, I just wish our whole family could be together again. I miss my husband. I miss watching our shows and tucking the kids into bed. I miss making food for Spencer. I miss making dinner. I miss working at the hospital. The kids and I had so many fun plans for the summer that we have to postpone for next year. One treatment plan at a time.