The Other Side of the Rainbow

This is the Israel Kamakawiwo Ole version. It should be playing now. I want those who have not heard this version to experience it and those who have to enjoy it again. I heard it today and for the first time listened to the lyrics. I feel like we are approaching the other side of the rainbow and I wanted you all to read these lyrics. Feel them. Wish for them in your life. Look to the other side of the rainbow.
Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
And the dreams that you dreamed of Once in a lullaby
Somewhere over the rainbow
Blue birds fly
And the dreams that you dreamed of
Dreams really do come true ooh oooohSomeday I'll wish upon a star
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me ee ee eeh
Where trouble melts like lemon drops
High above the chimney tops thats where you'll find me ohSomewhere over the rainbow bluebirds fly
And the dream that you dare to,why, oh why can't I? i iiii

Well I see trees of green and
Red roses too,
I'll watch them bloom for me and you
And I think to myselfWhat a wonderful world
Well I see skies of blue and I see clouds of white
And the brightness of day
I like the dark and I think to myself
What a wonderful world
The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people passing by
I see friends shaking handsSaying, "How do you do?"
They're really saying, I...I love you
I hear babies cry and I watch them grow,
They'll learn much moreThan we'll know
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world (w)oohoorld
Someday I'll wish upon a star,
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where trouble melts like lemon drops
High above the chimney top that's where you'll find me
Oh, Somewhere over the rainbow way up high
And the dream that you dare to, why, oh why can't I? I hiii ?

So we just got back the video our friend put together from Spencer's fundraiser, ironically, we were looking through pictures of the beginning of this journey. Man. It is still amazing to me to think about all the support we get from everyone, even strangers. It is seriously overwhelming. I wish you could see this video. Click HERE for the Fundraiser blog post. I wish that you all who were not able to experience this fundraiser could fathom the intensity of it. All of the hours and brain work put into this for our family. For us, for Spencer. Although it seems so long ago lots of emotions and memories came rushing back. Spencer had been very ill. Very, very sick. It was our first sick stay and it was horrible. I did not know if my baby was going to make it out alive. The reality of cancer, of chemo and it's effects became ours. There were many agonizing nights, lots of prayers and many tears on my part shed. He was not able to make it to the fundraiser and I had to leave him at the hospital screaming that it was not fair, that he NEEDED to be there. I screamed and I cried and I pounded the steering wheel the whole way there. I felt an urgency to get there. It took watching the video to remember and even see for the first time what happened when I first arrived. I turned onto the street where the church was and all I saw were lines and lines of cars. Friends were acting as parking attendants and I could not help but cry. I was in shock. These people, all of these people were here for us. I walked in and was overwhelmed and I broke down. I couldn't help it. The Jazz Bear came up to me and kissed my head and gave me a hug, I believe he was sincerely caring. He knew how much Spencer wanted to be there. I had been agonizing over leaving Spencer but knew I needed to be there. MY friends did this for us and I needed to be there. I thought I was in shock when I saw all of the events going on outside until I walked inside to see the silent auction. Hundreds of people crowded around bidding on items to help our family out. It took me weeks to recover from the overwhelming emotion of tangible love that we felt that day. I wish that I was able to personally thank each one of you who were there. It touches my heart so very deeply to think about that day. I do indeed Well I see skies of blue and I see clouds of white
And the brightness of day I like the dark and I think to myself What a wonderful world. I wish upon the stars every night and know that soon we will wake up to the clouds far behind us.

We have come a long way from the scared little boy waiting for his fate, not knowing what his life is going to bring him to a confident bald kid, with faith bigger than the universe who has gone through surgeries, chemo, radiation, pokes, and near death experiences. We are thankful for our trials and and our blessings (although thinking of it all kind of makes me sick to my stomach).

Pumpkin, Pals, Parties, and Pirates!

Every year we go to Pumpkinland in Orem. It is in a fun little farm that has a corn maze, pumpkin patch, petting zoo, playground, etc. It is just so much fun. We decided we would make a day of it and celebrate Isabelle's birthday and got to Pirate Island afterwards.

Is he not just the cutest ever?!
Spencer and Betsy sitting in a....corn maze. The Sunflowers were gigantic!
He used to be so good at posing for me. No longer. But he is dang cute.
Friends and pumpkins. Notice Belle getting kissed by both Ryan and Ben, hmmmm.
Ben and Belle have the same birthday. Same day, same year. They call eachother twins. They are very best friends. They both thought it would be fun to celebrate at Pirate Island.



When my sister, Casy, came into town, we decided to have a girls night and hit up Madeleines Bakery and Hatch Family Chocolates! Deeelish!
Another celebration for Isabelle's birthday. This time with the Gooch family.

Nate was out of town on her actual birthday so we celebrated with cousins and pumpkin carving. She asked for lasagna for dinner. It was a super fun night. For some reason I did not get a picture of her with her brand new bike. It may have been because Spence barfed his feeding tube up that morning and we were a little pre-0ccupied. Fortunately, the tube has not gone back in!

My friend and her daughter made this AWESOME cake for Isabelle for her birthday! We celebrated with it when daddy got home!

Lot of Pictures Coming Your Way

Okay so I am working on blogging the 400 pictures from October to now that I have not been able to post. I found my camera but I am now having technical difficulties transferring pictures to my computer. They are not cooperating. I have a handful of them that I will start with and then try to fix the problem with the other ones. This is my pre-cautionary blog. If you do not want to look at a whole bunch of pictures over the last few month then don't check out the next like 10 blogs or so. Ha ha ha!

Grateful

There are many things to be thankful for. Today I will list a few of the most important. I am thankful for our health. I am thankful for our health insurance. I am thankful for modern medicine. I am thankful for faith. I am thankful for my beautiful family. I am thankful for all of you. I am thankful to live in a country where there is freedom of religion. I am thankful for wonderful nurses and doctors. I am thankful for our garage and our warm coats, gloves and hats. I am thankful for my sight, that I am able to see my beautiful family and the beautiful snow covered mountains around me and the beautiful ocean when I get to go home. I feel most grateful this year for all that my Heavenly Father has given me, and I am thankful for the trials that have helped me recognize all that I truly have. Thank you for being a part of my life.

Reluctant?

So...If you have not had a chance to look at Facebook or do not have a Facebook account or are not currently a Facebook friend (I would love to add you if you are not) then the results are in....kind of. After a full day of trying to patiently wait we headed back up to clinic to talk to our doctor about the results of the MRI and the bone scan. The bone scan is just what I imagined it to be showing no other spots of malignancy throughout his bones. When he was originally diagnosed he had several suspicious spots which are now gone. His MRI was the big one. It would tell us if the tumor is still there and the size and such. She let us know that the mass is still there BUT she is pretty confident that it is not a malignant tumor and now just scar tissue. The report suspected the mass to be post therapeutic meaning post chemo treatment, which obviously we are not at. So I assumed this is good. She informed us that a lot of times the mass never goes away. It turns into scar tissue and can remain there permanently. We will follow up in a couple of weeks with a PET scan which will tell us if there is any malignant activity. According to the report of the last scan there was minimal to no malignant activity. She was very positive about the results and said he is doing very well. I have to say I was kind of on the fence about my feelings about this report. I work, or worked in the medical field, I have been going to school for nursing and I just NEED to know all the details. I am a NOW person and this experience has kind of helped me to be a little more patient! On my way home I was reflecting on this result and my feelings and I got a text from a great friend who just always knows what I am thinking. Her text said "are you happy or reluctant?" Dang she nailed me! At that moment though my reluctancy had turned to happiness. I decided that there could not have been more faith and prayers pushing for our family today. I would have loved to hear that there was no mass at all but then I decided there is a reason for the mass to still be there. I don't know if it will play a part in his life somehow or if its there to make his pupils permanently uneven and googly, which he really would like to happen, funny guy. Whatever the case, there is a reason that it is still there. I am not disappointed. More than anything I want the malignancy to be gone and it sounds like we have reached that point. I also think the Lord is tortuously teaching me patience. I have to be patient until the PET scan. I feel that things are where we have wanted them to be. As I was reflecting and pondering I realized the tumor has never been my fear. It's like I always knew it would resolve itself. It's the chemo that has always been the monster for me. Although it is the main player in the destruction of the tumor it also is more commonly the reason for complications and death in a treatment plan. So....No Ally I am not reluctant. I am happy to be where we are, to be close to the end. I am so thankful to you all for your love for us, for your faith, for your tears, for your prayers. You all mean so much to me and I honestly hope to meet every single one of you. I am blessed to have you in my life.

Waiting Room

Have you ever heard the term "burning in the bosom"? That is how I feel today as I sit here in the waiting room. Is this an overwhelming feeling of faith overcoming me? Maybe partially but I want you to know that I KNOW that these are your tangible prayers. It has brought me to tears. I can feel them, quite literally. It is amazing that even though I am sitting alone in a cold, sterile hospital room I can feel you, your faith, and your love surrounding me at this moment. Thank you for being with me. We were so lucky to be greeted with familiar faces here in imaging. Our favorite nurse from the Riverton happened to be working here at PCMC today. Shortly after we arrived an old friend from church, who moved away a few years ago and is also a nurse, stopped in to say hello. And shortly after she came in one of our favorite nurses, Starla, came to say hi. It has been a day of comfort and support. Thank you all. We love you so much and will keep you updated.

Immense Faith

Deep breath in. We fasted all day today in preparation for Spencer's scans tomorrow. As we were running some errands he says "I can't wait for my scans tomorrow to tell me that I don't have a tumor anymore". Deep breath holding. Wow. What am I supposed to say to that. Logic would say that I tell him "well honey that might not really happen" but my heart and my faith interrupts and tells me to listen to my sweet little boy so filled immense faith. Where is my immense faith? What makes him so different? I want so very badly to have this kind of faith. I wish I could say to him "I know, me too!" After dinner we were all sitting together on the sofa and I was telling Nate what Spence had said and he looked at Nate and said , "I know I am not going to have a tumor." Still holding breath. Nate asked him how he knew and he replied "I just have enough faith". I pray and beg that his faith is so strong and so pure to see these miracles. That he can one day teach others through these amazing miracles happening in his life. His MRI is early in the morning, and that will tell us the size of the tumor. We should have those results before we leave the hospital, and then maybe I can let this deep breath out.